Tyrion Lannister's Dead End

Game of Thrones and the limits of praise

Tyrion Lannister carries a great deal of shame with him. He is the son of the most wealthy and powerful man in Westeros, Tywin Lannister, and gifted with an incredible intellect and political instincts. He is, however, a dwarf of only 4 foot 5 inches. Atop that biological fact, Tyrion’s birth also resulted in the death of his mother during delivery. He is looked at by his surviving family with scorn and suspicion. Despite all the hurt feelings and contempt between Tyrion and his kin, he craves their approval and praise. He’d die before he admitted it.

Despite all his disadvantages, Tyrion is the most capable and wise of all his father’s children. He organized the city's defense during a siege where the king retreated in fear. Tyrion rallied the troops and inspired men twice his size to fight. He has a gift. His problem is that he wants praise for using it.

I want “a little bloody gratitude,” Tyrion tells his father. Watch this below.

“Jugglers and singers require applause, you are a Lannister,” Tywin says to him.

If Tyrion can overcome this need that his father called out in him, he will be invincible.

The same goes for you.

I have an unpopular opinion, which is that Tywin Lannister (the father) is actually pretty great as far as Game of Thrones characters go. His fatal flaw is his baseless hatred for his son, and we see it on full display throughout the show. If you put that fact aside, he’s a remarkably good man and quite wise.

He doesn’t torment the weak of his kingdoms. He keeps his word. He honors women. Tywin believes in the value of wisdom and listening. He also understands power politics in a way you have to begrudgingly respect. Civilizations depend on men like Tywin Lannister who are completely unmoved by the opinions of others. He shapes the world according to his will and doesn’t go out of his way to victimize others — except Tyrion.

Back in the real world, the stoic emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote in his journal (Meditations) about this very problem. It’s relatable.

“I am my own master, and yet constantly paying attention to what my neighbors say of me, or what they think of me, and constantly fidgeting over this and that! I no longer care for the applause of those around me, nor for the clapping of hands. This is indeed a superficial goal, and one that is fleeting and worthless."

He would also deride applause of the thoughtless “smacking of hands” and praise (and criticism) as the “clacking of tongues”.

You’ve been in a room before where people clapped for someone. It’s usually set off by one or two people who sincerely meant it. The other 90 percent are just clapping along with the group because it’s what you do in a crowd.

Why would you crave this? It’s hollow.

Aurelius referred to this as seeking the “third thing”, and it’s an emotional dead end. “When you’ve done well and another has benefited by it” why are you looking for praise?

In the case of Tyrion Lannister, he loathes his father. But haven’t we all sought the affection and back-slapping praise of someone who doesn’t meet our standards for goodness?

I know I have. It’s a habit I have to recognize and break again and again.

But Tywin Lannister is his father. That wound and longing for love will never leave Tyrion. It will haunt him and drive him to do things that are beneath him. One day though, he will be free of it.

This week, do the right thing for its own sake. Don’t do it for applause. Don’t take selfies while you perform charity or do good for others. Don’t turn other people into props for your glory.

If you have the capability to do right — do it, and then move on. The deed is done.

Ah! vainest of all things
Is the gratitude of kings;
    The plaudits of the crowd
Are but the clatter of feet
At midnight in the street,
    Hollow and restless and loud. 

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

For more Game of Thrones wisdom, check out this other article about the Lannister family and seeking the approval of others.