The Only Thing They Need You To Be
Dune, Paul Atreides and playing the roles we are meant to play
In Dune, Paul Atreides (Timothee Chalamet) does not want to be the ruler of his people. His father, Duke Leto (Oscar Isaac) of the House Atreides, aims to help him down that path as gently as possible. Like many young characters at the start of their Hero’s Journey, Paul does not want the responsibility of power. He doesn’t crave its weight. Leto would have preferred to be a pilot himself, but here he is, a monarchal ruler instead.
It’s a classic motif. Young princes don’t know how to be kings. Princesses don't know how to be queens. Girls aren’t born knowing how to be wives and boys don’t know how to be good husbands. Lord knows none of us “know” how to parents and raise successful, happy children. We just make it up as we go.
Of course, we hopefully had role models to learn from and base our understanding on. A young man’s best hope for knowing how to be a decent husband is by having a father in his life who loves and honors the mother. If you don’t have that, social networks and stories can fill the void to a certain extent. Human beings love stories. And we are discretely taking notes from them throughout our lives.
You might come from a family where literally no one has courage of any kind, and so you develop all of your understanding of courage from Peter in C.S. Lewis’s The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe…or from Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games.
Speaking of C.S. Lewis, he has a remarkable observation about this very problem when it comes to the Christian life, which he outlines in the final chapters of his classic, Mere Christianity. In it, Lewis endorses what you might call roleplaying (cosplaying) the Christian in order to become the Christian. We’re all like “little Christs” or “toy soldiers” trying to be as close to the real thing as possible.
And the truth is, we’ll never feel like we’ve reached the end destination.
I doubt Duke Leto Atredies feels as though he is truly a king deep down. He wears the mask of one.
He knows how to move like one and dress like one.
The moment a person such as Leto thinks of himself as a monarch with immense power, that’s when power begins to corrupt its wielder.
Much better to think of one’s self as a father, patriot, son or husband who happens to be a king than to look in the mirror and see only royalty.
I think we’ve lost sight of what “role model” is supposed to mean in our language. It’s not a blanket term meant to describe anyone in a position of power or influence. It’s a person who is modeling how to perform a certain role you may also have to play in this life.
The boss. The spouse. The parent. The friend. The teacher.
These are common roles. Yet we most often hear ‘role model’ deployed when talking about or criticizing the behavior of celebrities.
I don’t think it’s correct to say “Taylor Swift is a good role model” or “Taylor Swift is a bad role model” because it’s unclear to me what role she would even be modeling for your typical young girl.
“International pop star” is not a role that you are likely to play compared to citizen, neighbor, sibling, or mentor. Maybe the celebrity is modeling either humility or gluttony when it comes to their fame. Perhaps what they model for us is how to handle overwhelming success and public attention. Maybe the celebrity is modeling the role of “the blessed”.
I never intend to be dismissive, especially not of our Great American Monarch, Queen Taylor Swift.
The beauty of the scene in Dune which we began with today is how Duke Leto responds to Paul’s uncertainty and doubt. After Leto’s encouragement, Paul asks, “Dad, what if I’m not…..the future of House Atreides.”
Leto answers gently, “A great man doesn't seek to lead; he is called to it. But if your answer is no, you'd still be the only thing I ever needed you to be: my son.”
I’ve been thinking on and off about this for weeks now. I confided in a friend at church that I was struggling with how to be the kind of Dad my daughter needs me to be. And he prayed with me, and in his wisdom, knowing I love tying everything back to movies…spoke about this scene in Dune.
He did that because this moment between Father and Son is a scene about roles, responsibility, duty, and fear….but it’s also about love. The Father loves his son. He loves Paul because he is his son, not because Paul does or does not want to step up and be a ruler.
My friend reminded me that I’m covered. That God is with me in this walk, and that I’m already everything He and my child need me to be.
Sometimes, just being present and existing in your kid’s life is all that is required. Seriously, that may be the truth of it. You don’t have to be a fount of wisdom and clever anecdotes, and you don’t have to have an answer for every question. You just have to be there.
Showing up to play the role is all you ever had to do.
After all, your story isn’t a scripted stage play with lines to remember.
It’s improv.
Thanks for reading Geeky Stoics. This is a newsletter, podcast and YouTube channel all about finding the wisdom worth living by in your favorite movies, books, and shows. I’m
and I do this with my friend and collaborator, .Hey fun fact, I’m contributing a little bit to a new Substack called
. They have great articles going up about being a Dad. Highly recommend. A year ago I appeared on their YouTube show for a feature-length interview about Star Wars and parenting. If you missed that, it’s a fun conversation!
More parents need to see their children in this same way, and those that do, need to express it more. Here's to all the parents succeeding at both.
Glad to see this interview again.