Pride Is Shame's Source
Reputation Management & Uncle Iroh's Maxim on Pride
The other day, I was giving a lecture to a group of Washington, D.C. interns about how to make it in ‘the swamp’. I spoke for about an hour, and for the most part, I was pleased with what I said. There is one thing I’d change, though, and it has to do with reputation. I told the young people there that integrity and right action would go a long way to cultivate a good reputation in DC, and with a good reputation, they’d flourish and find years of good work in the city.
The problem is, you can’t actually control your reputation. I am proud of having a good reputation in Washington, where I’ve worked since 2016. This is partially tied to being honest and helpful to others, but do I really have anything to be proud of? Proud that I’m not a liar or duplicitous?
“No one should feel pride in anything that is not his own.” - Seneca
Reputation is not in your control. If the societal standards of “right behavior” change tomorrow, and they do change often, you’ll find that your moral commitments might result in having a negative reputation. A reputation is only as good as the people whose repute you seek.
Seneca goes on to say, “Praise in him what can neither be given nor snatched away, what is peculiarly his own.”
I’m going to slightly transition topics here, away from Reputation toward Pride, because the guiding principle for managing them is the same. Reputation is external to you and can be bestowed or taken away by fickle cultural forces. Pride comes from mistaking natural gifts or blessings for something you did.
Every day, reflect on what is a gift in your life and what was forged or cultivated within. It’s funny. America is roiled in debate over the Sydney Sweeney “good genes” American Eagle advertisement, and it sort of connects to what I’m saying here. You get genes and their blessings or curses from your parents. You do nothing to be born pretty or handsome.
Ever notice how there are tons of pretty people who lack confidence?
Pride =/= Confidence
**For more on this topic, we did a brief dive into Pride as a vice for the YouTube channel, focusing on Vegeta from Dragon Ball Z**
Here is a related maxim (words of wisdom) from Avatar: The Last Airbender’s chief sage, Uncle Iroh of the Fire Nation:
“'Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.” (clip)
We’ll go deeper on this quote and Prince Zuko’s story in Avatar in a future email, but for today, we’ll stay focused on the application.
When pride turns into shame
External attachment → Personal example: Geeky Stoics recently had its most successful video yet with almost 300,000 views and 7,000 new subscriptions. The last time we had a “hit” was October 2024. Every video between them has filled us with angst and doubt. Why? Because of Pride. When the YouTube algorithm serves up a hit or record-high engagement, it’s so, so easy to think it’s purely your genius at work. Then you publish some other excellent videos, and they flop. You inevitably feel shame. If you’re not a creator, you’ve probably experienced this sensation on social media in some way, shape or form.
Comparison → Someone eclipses you, or your title is taken away. You’ll feel this in the world of sports or art, as other performers surpass you or experience success. Comparison is indeed the thief of joy, and it’s also a warning sign that Pride is seeping into your character. Keep it at bay and focus on developing confidence in the things you control, not the validation of third parties.
I’ll leave it here for today. It’s a new week, and you have a lot to accomplish and get done. Take some time to think about the things in your life you were blessed with and did nothing to benefit from.
Reflect on what brings you shame and whether or not Pride is downstream from the ugly feeling. Remember, Pride is great at playing dress-up and can be disguised as something else.
Finally, seek humility. I started by talking about reputation. It’s out of your hands at the end of the day. Do right things for their own sake, not for enhancing your social credit score. If you don’t puff yourself up so much, it’ll be harder for the world to deflate you at a whim.
Do good things this week.