Parents read to their kids to shut them up
Captain Hook and other tempting lies bordering on truth
Bad guys and the truth
Villains have a knack for telling lies that if you squint hard enough can appear as truth. They use manners of speech, relativism, gradations of truth, and technicality to mask ugly intentions, cynical assumptions, and an ugly heart. Consider the Joker in The Dark Knight,
“When the chips are down, these... these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.”
Yeah, maybe. That’s an assumption one could make based on some evidence throughout human history. But you’d also have to ignore all the contrary evidence and anecdotes of where human beings go out of their way to do good or elevate virtuous causes at great personal cost. Then there’s my favorite, Palpatine from Star Wars, who tempts Anakin Skywalker to the dark side by appealing to the young Jedi’s vanity and sense of cosmic justice. Palpatine makes true observations about galactic power and the Jedi,
“All who gain power are afraid to lose it.”
Ok, true, minus maybe George Washington. The hope is of course that Anakin doesn’t then turn to the Supreme Chancellor uttering these “truthful” words and think to himself, “what is this guy up to?”
Villains know things that often heroes do not. Through some lived experience, they can see things often as they truly are. Corruption. Realpolitik. Violence. Coercion. Power structures. At the end of the day though, the audience tends to prefer the competing truth about these characters…something Batman says to the Joker just before defeating him,
“What were you trying to prove? That deep down everyone is as ugly as you? You’re alone.”
Yes, Batman is spot on. The Joker is cynical, dark, ugly.
Maybe these villains just “need a mommy very, very badly.” Does anyone get the reference?
Hook
This week I rewatched one of my all-time favorites, Steven Spielberg’s Hook (1991). Wherein Captain Hook (Dustin Hoffman) has kidnapped the children of a grown-up Peter Pan and is holding them hostage until Peter Pan (played by Robin Williams) can rediscover his mojo and duel him to the death. In this one scene, Hook is trying to win over Peter’s kids to his side in hopes that the ultimate heartbreak for Pan would be his children choosing Hook & pirates over him. At this point, Peter Pan (who goes by Peter Banning) is a jerkface lawyer and workaholic who cherishes absolutely zero of the time he has with his children. Hook takes the initiative.
It’s such an ugly attitude. Parents read to their children in order to “shut them up” ???? Hook goes on to make another dark and sinister claim, which is that before kids are born into their families,
“Your parents used to stay up together all night just to watch the sunrise. Before you were born, they were happier.”
Ouch. It’s sort of true though. I remember those long nights. Good times! Much of this cruel monologue by Captain Hook is bleeding with truth. We could dive deep into all of the claims made here, including the ones about parents’ happiness and staying up till sunrise, but I want to zero in on the first part.
Why do you read to your kids at night?
Maybe you don’t have any. Why do you think your friends who are parents read to their children at night? This is a moment where I had to figuratively look in the mirror, sitting there next to my now 12-year-old daughter to whom I no longer read Amelia Bedelia at 8PM praying after the next page she will fall asleep. Our daughter does have a 9AM lights-out time. I’ve been explicit with her that this is a hard deadline, because Mom and Dad want to have an hour to be alone, together. Sorry, kiddo.
Now look, this is not wrong.
Not wrong, at all. Boundaries must exist. The marriage is the most important thing, because from that union… all other blessings of a stable family life flow.
But we should actively interrogate our thinking and relationship to time and our children, based on what Hook is saying here to Pan’s kids.
We read to our kids because:
A) It has been shown to help them fall asleep. When that happens, the parent also gets to rest. So that is part of the equation.
B) It’s a sweet time. During the day they are terrorists, but during this window of time the child returns to a place you can only call sweet. Their little pajamas or oversized shirt. Their need for a cuddly blanket or stuffed animal. Their droopy eyes and squeaky yawns.
C) Reading to your kid has been shown for ages to help kids read themselves. They follow along, make connections between speech and letters, and they learn to connect phrases to the tone of voice you use to read from the page. Reading to your child during these formative years is a responsibility a parent has.
It just so happens, the arrangement is a win-win at roughly 8:00 PM for the child AND the parent. Hook seizes on only one truth of the matter and very convincingly tosses out all the other motivations parents have.
What’s my point?
Your child gets older. So slow down. Reading to them at bedtime doesn’t have to end, but it almost always does.
At this point, I very rarely read to my daughter. Often we’ll talk or stay up a bit chattering in the dark. But more often I am rushing through the process of tucking my kid in. The blanket goes up. The ends are tucked under the mattress. A kiss is given on the forehead and I bolt out the door.
“GOODNIGHT I LOVE YOU!” {End Scene}
The reason is the same as it ever was back when we regularly read goodnight stories. Which is……There’s a show on HBO I really wanna watch before I get sleepy. A new Game of Thrones episode, duh.
For our children, for our friendships, for our time with our family…we have to fight back against this.
Let me share something dark with you. A dark, somewhat cynical, ugly thought which is wrapped in truth. The Stoic philosopher and writer Epictetus once wrote,
“As you kiss your son good night… whisper to yourself, He may be dead in the morning.”
No one wants to think about that. No one. Why would you?! That is panic-inducing.
Or is it just reality? They could be gone in the morning and so could you. You’ve heard the horror stories about young children and crib fatalities. In the 2021 Texas deep freeze amidst power outages, at least 240 people died due to the conditions. Some of those were children who froze to the death in the night under their blankets. This stuff happens. Don’t be a worry wort about it, but be real.
To brush this stuff off is arrogance. You have no idea if the night the world ends is tonight. Meteor strike. Nuclear exchange. Rapture. Choose your apocalypse.
So slow down your goodnight routine. Just slow down, a bit. House of the Dragon can wait five more minutes. You can read one more page of Goodnight Moon. If your kid wants to ask you a random question about where stars come from, right as you’re turning off the light (they absolutely always do this, don’t they?)…maybe you just answer them, gladly. Lay back down and the bed and talk about it till they collapse into sleep.
You may not get another chance. Your time should go to the source of your happy thoughts. I highly doubt prestige television is that thing for you.
In Hook, Peter Pan has to relearn how to fly. For that he needs a happy thought. His journey was about remembering that being a father is his happy thought. As Pan’s wife, Moira, says to him early in the film about his relationship to their children, “You’re missing it.”
Don’t miss it. This is the way.
Hello and thanks for reading This Is The Way, a Substack dedicated to finding wisdom on living in Movies, TV and Books. This is a Free newsletter supported by Paid Subscribers who believe in what we’re doing here and the quality of the content. I’d love if you considered becoming a Paid Subscriber.
We have monthly video hangouts for those folks, the second of which is happening this Friday at 12:30PM EST. Upgrade to Paid to get that invite via email.
If not, no worries. You can help This Is The Way by sharing this post with family and friends via email or social media. That is a game changer when readers share the articles.