Lincoln, Lewis, Losses and Listening

Some thoughts on political defeat and striking out

The first thing you’ll see in my home when you enter is a framed portrait of Abraham Lincoln. Below the image of America’s 16th president, a man who arguably refounded the United States and became one of its most consequential figures, is a list of his numerous failures. The guy posted a lot of L’s.

This list of Lincoln failures is pretty well known, so you might have seen this before. Here is the text I have framed in our doorway.

“Lincoln”

Lost job in 1832.
Defeated for state legislature in 1832.
Failed in business in 1833.
Elected to state legislature in 1834.
Sweetheart died in 1835.
Had a nervous breakdown in 1836.
Defeated for Speaker in 1838.
Defeated for nomination for Congress in 1843.
Elected to Congress in 1846.
Lost renomination in 1848.
Rejected for land officer in 1849.
Defeated for U.S. Senate in 1854.
Defeated for nomination for Vice President in 1856.
Again defeated for U.S. Senate in 1858.
Elected President in 1860.

This piece always catches my eye, particularly in the morning when I’m having coffee and thinking about the day ahead. Today is no exception.

Last night I lost my race for City Council in Manassas, Virginia. It was my first foray into politics, and I’d never run in this city before for anything. I’ve lived here about 10 years, whereas all my opponents pretty much grew up here or have lifelong roots in town. That counts for something when a small town of 45,000 people vote. In reality, only about 8,000 people vote in elections around here. It’s kind of crazy.

I’m not launching into some narrative in which I’m a Lincoln figure in the making. It’s just that I’ve had a lot of strikeouts at the plate lately. Let me run through them.

My career has been a pretty wild ride since 2015 when I started a semi-popular podcast called Beltway Banthas. It opened the door to me doing something almost no one gets to do, which is go on TV and talk politics on some of the biggest news networks in the country. From 2016 to 2022 I had a really active and exciting run as a political commentator. All of this led to me securing a book deal with Hachette Publishing for How The Force Can Fix The World, another rare professional notch on the belt that not many people get to experience. It’s special, and that’s not lost on me. Especially when there are so many better writers out there. At the same time, I was selected to host a political talk show for an international news network.

Here’s the thing though. By objective measures, in every single one of these ventures, I “failed”.

As a podcaster, Banthas never generated revenues. As a commentator, I secured no contributor contracts or invites to the “major leagues” for top shows in the world in the mainstream or alternative media. My debut book had a niche audience but was not a best seller on any list of “importance” in the publishing world. My talk show was canceled after one year. We couldn’t find an audience for it. After that, I entered a professional wilderness for almost 2 years. Luckily, a friend offered me a job right when I needed it, but it was a job I ended up being very bad at. As I started looking around for a better fit and interviewing, I felt untouchable. I couldn’t secure a job after all of this. No one wanted to hire me.

I landed on my feet in the end at a really great nonprofit, one where I still work. That was by virtue of managing my relationships and having a good reputation for hard work and honesty. But it was a really hard road.

Then this year I finally ran for office, a dream of mine since I was a kid, and I lost. Not only did I lose, I was the lowest vote-getter in the city.

Deep sigh.

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What I told my wife last night when the results came in was that it’s not that I feel like some kind of loser who never has any wins. No, it’s not that. Because in many ways I keep making it to Championship matches (big opportunities), and then striking out when I step up to the plate.

I think that people go on these journeys in life where they think they’ve found “the thing” they were called to do and it turns out to have been a mirage.

I imagine it like a long hallway of locked doors. You have the keyring in your hand and a hundred keys on it. You fumble around to find the right key for the right door, you open it, and then it’s just a wall behind the door. That wasn’t the door for you.

I think I’m just good at feeling around for certain keys to certain doors.

Part of this thought reminds me of one of Geeky Stoics’ central pillars, the life and ideas of C.S. Lewis. As you know, Lewis is famous, immortal really, because of The Chronicles of Narnia. The first book was published in 1950, at a time when Lewis was almost completely drained of his self-confidence and hope. Lewis had become an international superstar in the 1940s for his wartime radio broadcasts on the BBC and Mere Christianity, his most cherished nonfiction work making the case for Christian morality. Then there was The Screwtape Letters, making him even more of a star and the voice of Christian apologetics. Yet, when he was invited onto the BBC in 1950 to discuss faith, Lewis declined saying,

“Like the old fangless snake in The Jungle Book,

I’ve largely lost my dialectal power.”

Lewis had become a symbol of Christian thought and argumentation but had “failed” to convert his own friends and family. In fact, the woman in his life (Mrs. Moore) only grew more hostile to faith over time. He felt powerless in his own sphere of influence.

Just a year before declining the BBC, Lewis participated in a Socratic debate at Oxford against a young woman named Elizabeth Anscombe about “naturalism” and Christian belief. Anscombe was a Catholic and fan of Lewis, but she disagreed strongly with some of Lewis’ cherished conclusions in his book, Miracles.

Long story short, Anscombe defeated and embarrassed Lewis in his own dojo during that debate in 1948. In front of his colleagues, fans, critics, and students, Lewis was dismantled. But it wasn’t just Lewis, it was the premise of one of his great books.

Like a good man with an open mind, Lewis knew he lost and he knew then that Miracles was deeply flawed. For a man like Lewis, it’s the kind of thing that keeps you up at night.

He entered a dark period at this time. Friends of his were dying of age or illness. His ideas were being beaten back by younger thinkers. His famous friendship with J.R.R Tolkien was in disrepair. He’d lost his zeal to write. He was still quite financially strapped, for many reasons. And because Oxford was as hostile to faith as it still is today, Lewis had a target on his back at his university.

He was passed over again and again for new roles at Oxford. Disparaged by department heads and treated like the plague. Academics at elite universities tend to hate their colleagues who have mainstream success, which Mere Christianity was by a large margin.

Lewis was in the shadowlands of his career.

Then he came across a door in that long hallway, opened it, and crossed a threshold into something new.

In 1950, C.S. Lewis published The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. The rest is history. In his lowest moment, C.S. Lewis’ purpose was revealed to him. All the work that he had poured into Christian argumentation in his nonfiction books became the basis for his fictional work in Narnia. The ideas he tested on atheists and believers for 15 years became the story of Wardrobe, Aslan, and White Witch.

Reading over the lives of Lincoln and Lewis, you get the sense that these men considered giving up. Lewis drank too much and was pretty depressed for a period of time. Lincoln’s depression is well-known. But they held on.

Their purpose was revealed to them.

One of C.S. Lewis’ central arguments about God is that if you set out to find Him, it will always be He who finds you first. The hunter becomes the hunted. But it doesn’t happen unless you’re open, aware, and searching.

God, I’m listening.

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Hey Geeky Stoics, right now I’m reading The Creative Act by music producer Rick Rubin. This book is lovely. Two-page chapters that are all about artistic expression and connecting with your ability to create. It’s like Meditations, really.

The Creative Act is a book about the idea I described above. Being open, aware, and searching. If you’re distracted, numb, drunk, overstimulated, or fearful, you won’t hear your call when it comes.

That call may be a painting, a business idea, a song, or a message for a political campaign. Check it out! You won’t regret it.