I Don't Think About You At All

A Gnat, a Bull and some Mad Men | The problem of ego

Once there was a Gnat who flew over the meadow with much buzzing for so small a creature and he settled on the tip of one of the horns of a Bull. After he had rested a short time, the Gnat made ready to fly away. But before he left he begged the Bull's pardon for having used his horn for a resting place.

"You must be very glad to have me go now," said the Gnat

"It's all the same to me," replied the Bull. "I did not even know you were there."

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Ouch! This is one of my favorite of Aesop’s Fables. Like the other stories in this fantastical collection from Ancient Greece, “The Gnat & the Bull” is a reminder to think a little less of yourself. It’s nearly impossible to not think of yourself as the main character of your own story, but trying is a worthwhile exercise.

There’s this great scene in AMC’s classic series, Mad Men, where the advertising executive and playboy Don Draper (played by Jon Hamm) has just hurt the pride of one of his employees, Michael Ginsberg. This young man is a starving artist type. He’s brilliant, but a tad tortured inside. His creative work matters a lot to him. In a pitch meeting for a client, Ginsberg’s idea was supposed to be front and center. Last minute, Don Draper changes things up and pitches his own idea instead.

This is what happens…..it’s 50 seconds and worth watching.

So often we are of greater importance in our own eyes than in the eyes of our neighbor…..

This fable and the scene from Mad Men are instructive in a few ways. First, as I said above, Michael Ginsberg has never considered that his hot-shot boss gives zero thought to his existence. As a great artist with a wild mind, Ginsberg is very pleased with himself and his creations for the ad firm. He is watching others very closely, studying rivals, and thinking about how other people carry themselves. He’s more empathic in that way. But the problem with empaths (I am one) is that we also start to think everyone else is like this.

“I’m constantly wondering what this person is up to…..I bet they're thinking about me and my struggles…”

Do you see how this is both a gift and a curse? This kind of mind is hyper-aware, but one step away from being self-centered at all times.

Don Draper is not a nice guy. He’s got a huge ego. He’s the Bull, a heavyweight in his field, and a very self-centered man.

But….as a boss in a big office, Draper is 100% correct that in this dynamic….Michael Ginsberg works for him. Ginseberg’s ideas are his ideas in a pitch meeting. If you have a boss, you work for their glory. Your job is to support them, help them succeed, and see them recognized. This means doing your job diligently and adopting a service mindset. Of course, this has limits. A good boss who keeps employees around knows that glory and recognition have to be shared, and underlings have to be given opportunities to rise in the company based on their performance.

Don is not great with this. However, every time he says to Ginsberg, “I don’t think about you at all” I want to break into applause for Don here, even though he’s not a great guy.

Two things are true here in the case of the Gnat and the Bull, AKA Ginsberg and Draper.

One: Draper does in fact think about Ginsberg, a lot. His career is sputtering and he feels very much that his position in the company is threatened. He’s lost a little of his creative edge. Ginsberg has it. He sees it. He wants it and also wants to snuff it out. Draper will not be eclipsed by a young upstart. So what is doing isn’t fully sincere.

Two: Don simply wants to deny him the satisfaction when Ginsberg says, “I feel sorry for you.” He shuts it down with disinterest and walks off. He won that standoff. Ginsberg is convinced, and frankly, he kind of needed it. His boss has a life and big problems, Ginsberg should think that Draper isn’t thinking about him that much. There’s ego going both ways here that need to be put in check.

The people you are trying to keep up with, the folks whose stuff you envy….they likely aren’t thinking about you at all. That Facebook or Slack post you edited 10 times to get the wording just right so you didn’t offend anyone….no one saw it in the first place. When you spend twenty minutes picking the right outfit or tie to go to a party, you imagine this scenario where everyone is watching you and judging your outfit. In reality, hardly anyone will notice you. Their faces are in their phones or in conversation with people they already know.

Uncenter yourself a little bit from the narrative. If someone else wants to make you the star of the show or the main character in a story, let them do it. But as much as you can, resist this impulse.

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.”

― C.S. Lewis

This is a great analysis of the scene for Mad Men fans. Enjoy!