A wizard is never late
Be reliable, but don't be nuts about being "on time" for the sake of it
“A wizard is never late, nor is he early — he arrives precisely when he means to.” This is how Gandalf the Grey introduces himself to the audience in Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring. It’s funny. Frodo wasn’t being serious when he chided the wizard for being a bit late to Bilbo Baggins’ birthday celebration in the Shire. Gandalf wasn’t being serious either in his response, one with which he could barely contain his laughter. But I always wondered, is this actually a tenant or expression commonly espoused by other wizards (more stern ones)? Was Gandalf making light of a wizardly value?
Here’s the thing.
I hate, hate, hate being late. For the most part, I’m quite prompt. I’m good at timing things out and making estimations on things like travel and unforeseen obstacles. Not insanely early, not late, but on time. For whatever the obligation or appointment may be. As such, I’ve noticed over the years that I can be explosive when my timelines are obstructed. I’ll tell you about today.
I got to work at 7AM. After a one hour commute and 20 minute walk. I got started very early. I had planned to catch a 4:30 train home. Something came up, and I missed it. That something became troublesome, and I missed the next train at 5:15. I wanted to go home, and I was (am) tired.
But……tonight I didn’t have any “plans” or outside expectations of me for getting home. My kid is out of town, and the wife and I didn’t have any dinner reservations or movies to go see. I just had in my head that I wanted to be home on that specific train. Because, reasons.
I’ve done this before. I wanna be home with my family, and then I’m held up by work, traffic, or weather…and you know what happens…cause you’ve done it before. You turn CRANKY! FLUSTERED! ILL-TEMPERED! And the recipients of that anger are the people you supposedly were dying to get home and spend time with. Today I did better than usual. I rinsed off that anger before I walked in the door. But where does that come from?
I believe that Gandalf and those like him actually do adhere to the idea of a wizard never being “late” because a wizard is concerned with matters of much greater, cosmic importance than birthday parties and dinner time. They are part of the facilitation of a broader harmony in the universe….you know, “bigger fish to fry.”
I read this on the train home and it’s what reminded me of Gandalf. In Mediations 4:23, Marcus Aurelius writes “Your harmony is mine. Whatever time you choose is the right time. Not late, not early.”
This is the perspective of someone embracing “it is what it is” and “we’ll get there when we get there” as a way of life.
You’re not on that 4:30 train because that wasn’t your train.
You’re not on the 5:15 train because that wasn’t your train.
Why be angry? I was upset in the Uber on the way from work to the train station. I was agitated the driver wasn’t going faster and visibly mad at the red lights we kept hitting. Our ETA at the station was 2 minutes before “my train.” That was cutting it way too close. If one other driver cuts off us, I’d have missed that train too.
In the end, we made it on time. And you know what? The train was delayed 15 minutes by a mechanical problem. It never mattered.
I’m not a determinist as this writing might suggest. I don’t believe that because things turned out a certain way that it was in fact the only way it could have gone.
But I do believe that our attachment to plans we’ve made is often arbitrary, silly, and creates self-inflicted suffering.
Sometimes the best plan is “I’ll be home when my work is done.”
Do your duty, first.
Caveat. When you have made a promise to your kid that you’ll be at their recital or ball game at 7PM, or at dinner with your wife at 630PM downtown…that’s different. That’s a matter of keeping your word and discipline.
But so many of the other timelines we make up for ourselves are nothing of the sort. They’re just plans.
What Gandalf the Grey said to Frodo signaled a sort of intentionality to his arrival time, “He arrives precisely when he means to,” but I do think he was also reminding us all to be flexible, to chill out.
You’ll get there when you get there.
This is the way.